The Merrill Family

How do you watch someone you love die?

I've been John Quinn's granddaughter for 4 years but somehow it feels like much longer. 

He was diagnosed with cancer in September. He did chemo and radiation. It looked like things were getting better. He actually started to get back to normal. Then it got bad again. We spent a lot of time with him before we left for the cabin. It got worse. His doctor gave him the option to do a lot of testing or go home. He chose to go home and live out his life with his family. Thad called me wednesday to say it was almost time...I came home immediately.

Now I'm watching someone I love die. 

I'm watching every breath get harder.

Tonight we are all sleeping in the family room around his hospital bed.

Granddad was walking and talking on monday. Tuesday he wouldn't wake up. Wednesday and thursday he would open his eyes when we talked to him and smile a little. I talked to him and showed him pictures of the kids. Today is different. There is no response. He is leaving us.

I'm trying to be strong. I'm trying not to cry. But I'm sad.

He has been my granddad for 4 years. It feels like he's been my granddad my whole life. He loves me like he has been my granddad my whole life. I'm going to miss him.