Annual Santa Party

We had our a great time at our Christmas party like always!

 Burke is a big moody because I took his cookie.

 Mommy's pretty girl.

 Daddy's pretty girl.

 Cayson made a great Rudolph as always!

Bath time

I think bath time is Carly and Burke's favorite time of day.

They always have a blast playing in the tub!

 Burke thinks it's fun to pour water on his head.

I think it's fun to laugh at his funny faces!

 After bath I always blow dry Carly's hair and put it up so it doesn't get as matted as she sleeps.

Tonight while blow drying Carly's hair she started to doze off.

I quickly finished and started to pull her hair up. I guess I wasn't quick enough!

 So I took this opportunity to cut her finger and toe nails since she fights me every time I sit down to do this task. Then I decided that she needed her nails painted.

 And her toes!

 Then I let her peacefully sleep.

Moving on

I keep a storage bin on the floor in the kids closets to put clothes in when they grow out of them. Once its full I go through them and decide what should be taken to DI and what should go to family. I have been neglecting Carly and Burke's buckets for a while and they have been long overdue. Then last week I got a call from my niece about someone that she knew who needed some baby things and baby boy clothes. So I thought how nice it will be to pass on some of Burke's things and get rid of some more baby items in the house. This has proved to be more difficult than I thought.

Tuesday night I pulled out the bins and various baby items and started to go through them. As I'm going through the box thoughts are pouring into my brain..."Can't get rid of that or that." "Oh, Burke looked so cute in that so I can't give that away!" "What if, what if, what if...?" I'm not sure how the topic came up but Thad and I started talking about the possibility of another baby. The discussion basically ended with the decision being up to me. Since I want to be pregnant by the time I'm 30 I really only have a short time to make this decision. Nearly every thought has been consumed with deciding what I really want. Its exhausting! I finally decided that I don't know what I want- I'm good either way. I folded and got all the clothes into bags and back into the box. Now they are sitting in my shed.

I think I'm having a harder time letting go of my baby's things than the actual thought of having another baby. I associate so many memories with an outfit or a toy or a song from the mobile. Letting go of their things is making me face the reality that my kids are growing up. And since I'm afraid of them growing up obviously the right thing to do is have another baby so I can have that feeling longer. The problem is I'm having a hard time picturing myself with another baby. My new found freedom is clouding my judgement. Some days I'm content and I feel complete. Other days I really miss having an infant to nurse and cuddle. I keep telling myself that time goes by quickly. Some days may seem long and hard and like it will never end but it goes by so fast that once its over I'll be longing for it again. And that is where I am now.

I am longing for Carly to be my baby again. I'm longing for Burke to be an infant again without the belly troubles. I am longing to go back and enjoy it a little more. It seems to be the worst for me with Carly. How can she be turning 3 in March? I rock her every night. I turn on a CD and we listen to the first 3 songs every night before I put her in bed. We used to listen to the same CD when she was an infant while I nursed her and put her to bed. I miss that. And in 3 more years I'll probably miss rocking her like I do now. I don't regret rocking her to sleep. Some nights were annoying when she would cry and not go to bed for me. The show that I wanted to watch just seemed so much more important than rocking my baby to bed so I let her cry. I regret those nights. Spending 15 minutes of my time rocking my baby before bed doesn't seem like that much of a sacrifice, especially now. I wish that Burke would let me rock him before bed but that kid doesn't know how to sit still. But he wakes up at night sometimes and I go in a rock with him. I get to spend that alone time with him and cuddle him. I get annoyed sometimes because I'm really tired and I need to change my attitude. I don't spend enough time with Cayson before bed. I miss laying with him and singing songs. I used to tell him to pick 3 songs that we could sing. Usually by 5 or 6 we would finally stop singing together and I would just sing him to sleep. I haven't done that in a long time because by the time I get Burke to bed and spend 15 minutes with Carly I'm ready for ME time. I regret that. I need to give him some time too.

Moving on is hard for me. I'm not ready to move on. I'm scared of having another baby but I'm equally scared of not having another baby. And to throw in a big curve, I'm scared of being pregnant. Not scared of the pregnancy but scared of what I can't control with the pregnancy. When I got pregnant with Carly I was so excited. We celebrated because it wasn't supposed to happen so quickly. Then I got the call that my pregnancy hormone wasn't rising and that I lost her. That was the worst feeling in the world. Then after finding out that she was still there but I had lost the other 2, I still felt a loss. I am afraid of that feeling. So I think its safe to say that I'm scared of my kids growing up, having another baby, not having another baby and being pregnant. I'M SO CONFUSED!!!

New dresser

Pottery Barn or Thad-ery  Barn?

Its about that time again...

We got a new tree this year. Our dwarf tree wasn't working for us anymore.

This one is 3 feet taller. Like I said, DWARF!

I put it up last sunday. I really did not want a gate around it.

After 3 days I lost my patience and the gate went up.

Can't wait for the presents to go under the tree!

Thanksgiving recipes

For an assignment is Cayson's class at school the kids all wrote their favorite thanksgiving dinner recipe. I thought these were too funny. Enjoy and DON'T use any of these recipes!

Pumpkin Pie by Sebastian

1 Pumpkin

2 cups sugar

1.     Cut it.

2.     Bake for 20 minutes.

3.     Eat it.

Salad by Jack

1 whole red potato

Some lettuce

Mayonnaise

Water

1.     Cut the red potato.

2.   Take apart the lettuce.

3.   Put them in a bowl with holes.

4.   Then put it in a bowl with no holes.

5.  Stir until it’s done.

Pumpkin Soup by Jesus

½ cup water

A little bit of salt

5 carrots

5 pumpklins

1.     Cut the vegetables.

2.     Stir the pumpkin.

3.    Bake for 10 minutes at 100 degrees.

Mash Potatoes by Dylan

4 potatoes

½ pieces of butter

2 cups of gravy

1.     Chop the potatoes.

2.     Mash the potatoes.

3.     Melt the butter.

4.     Bake at 5 degrees for 10 minutes.

Turkey by Samantha

Salt

Pepper

Butter

Green spicy pepper

Red pepper

1 turkey

1.    Cut it up.

2.    Put on the butter.

3.    Put on the green pepper.

4.    Put on the salt.

5.    Bake it for 6 minutes at 100 degrees.

Rolls by Jocelyn

1 thing of butter

Dash of milk

1 teaspoon sugar

1.    Stir ingredients in a big pot.

2.    Turn on the oven for 104 degrees for 10 minutes.

3.    Put in the oven.

Sweet Potatoes by Richard

1 cup salt

1 teaspoon hot potatoes

2 cups sugar

1.     Cut potatoes.

2.     Mix salt and sugar together with the potatoes.

3.     Bake it altogether for 10 minutes at 5 degrees.

Cherry Pie by Savannah

1 cherry

5 teaspoons salt

3 cups sugar

1.     Mix the pie.

2.     Put the cherry in the bowl.

3.     Mix it.

4.     Bake it for 26 minutes.

Chicken by Shea

Chicken

12 cups water

5 carrots

2 cups water

1.   Chop the chicken

2.   Stuff the chicken.

3.   Boil the chicken.

4.   Put in the water.

5.   Cut the chicken.

6.   Put salad around it.

Pumpkin Pie by Kelsey

1 pumpkln

½ tablespoon sugar

½ cup crust

½ dash salt

½ teaspoon butter

1.    Chop the pumpkin.

2.    Boil the butter.

3.    Put the salt on the pumpkin.

4.    Put the crust in the bowl and mix it with the sugar.

5.    Bake at 4100 degrees for three hours.

Apple Pie by Blessing

1 apple

½ cup water

1 piece sugar

1.   Stir water.

2.   Chop apples.

3.    Bake apples for 2 hours at 4 degrees.

Pumpkin Bread by Emma

½ cup of smooshed pumpkins

1 cup water

1 teaspoon sugar

1.    Stir the pumpkin bread.

2.    Mix the pumpkin bread.

3.    Bake the pumpkin bread for 200 minutes.

Carrots by Lily

5 carrots

Pepper

1.     Cut carrots with knife.

2.   Boil up carrots for 1 hour.

3. Put carrots on plates.

4.   Eat carrots.

Chocolate Chip and M & M Cookies by Hayden

1 cup flour

1/3 cup sugar

5 eggs

1 cup M&Ms

1 cup chocolate chips

1.    Put flour in mixer.

2.    Mix.

3.    Put sugar in mixer.

4.    Mix.

5.    Put eggs in mixer.

6.    Mix.

7.    You now have dough.

8.     Separate dough and form in circles.

9.     Put chocolate chips and M&Ms on dough.

10.   Bake at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.

Peas by Nathan

1 cup gravy

½ cup crust

1 cup green beans

1.     Stir for 10 minutes.

2.     Boil for 20 seconds.

3.     Cook until 400 degrees.

Stuffing by Liz

5 cups water

3 cups butter

2 cups pepper

½ cup juice

1.      Stir it up.

2.      Bake at 10000 degrees.

3.      Boil 3 minutes.

4.      Roll it up.

5.      Chop it up.

Salad by Andreya

½ salad

5 carrots

8 onions

1.       Toss carrots and onions.

2.       Dry them.

3.       Put it in a bowl.

Chocolate Chip Cookies by Cade

There are chocolate chips

There is chocolate on top

1.        What you are supposed to do is bake them.

2.        Then you put them on the trays then put them in the oven.

3.        Then they’re done.

Pumpkin Pie by Cayson

4 pumpkin seeds

1 pumpkin

1.         Put crust on the pan.

2.         Put the tasty part on the crust.

3.         Bake it for 13 minutes.

Cherry Pie by Aiden

5 cherries

5 pieces of bread

4 cups of sugar

4 pieces of salt

1         Stir it.

2.        Boil it in the oven for 10000 degrees.

Pumpkin Pie by Madalynn

1 dash sugar

3 pumpkins

1.        Cut up pumpkins.

2.               Mix in sugar.

Mashed Potatoes by Jayden

Potatoes

Gravy

1.    Mix it.

Carrots by McKenzie

½ cup water

Dump 10 carrots in a pot

1.    Put it in a bowl.

2.    Put ranch on the carrots.

3.    Eat it.

Turkey by Carson

Turkey

1.   Stuff the turkey.

2.   Put it in the oven.

Carly the dancer

Yummy breakfast

We had donuts for breakfast. Healthy, I know!

Sleepy

I think she has been a bit tired lately....

Holding hands- Thad

Sometimes, I have the chance to pick up Cayson from school during the week when I don't have to be at school until late at night. When I pick him up, the first thing he does (after running up to me with a big ol' smile on his face) is grab my hand as we start walking home. Now, on any given day he would grab my hand and I wouldn't think anything of it. I've held his hand since he was able to walk and have ever since then. Every once in a while though, I sit back and think of how much this otherwise simple, interpersonal contact means to me and how much I miss holding my mom's hand. Ever since I was little, my mom made it a habit to hold my hand. All the memories I have walking with her, whether in the mall, walking from the car to the grocery store, or even just walking together, consisted of her grabbing my hand and holding it tight. She knew how to hold a hand and she was good at it! I remember being in junior high and high school and hearing/seeing other kids become extremely embarrassed when their parent tried holding their hand in public. I, on the other hand, was very proud to be holding hands with my favorite person in the world. As a kid, I knew how much this simple task meant to me, but now, as a parent, I have a small glimpse of what it meant to her. There is no better feeling in the world than when that small hand grabs yours and a quick glimpse is caught of your child with a smile on their face, happy to be there with you, walking beside you, hand in hand. I held my mother's hand until the day that she passed away and while I don't remember every single time, I know now that it meant so much to her, more than it probably ever meant to me.  Parents, grab your kid's hands and start making a habit of it, and kids, hold your parent's hands unexpectedly next time you are with them and watch the response you get. My money is on a smile.

Lots of treats

Tonight we went to the park across the street for the Community Halloween Festival.

The kids had a great time and played lots of carnival games.

After the park we came home to get the wagon so I could take Cayson and Carly out

trick or treating. Thad stayed home with Burke and handed out candy on the porch.

Halloween is getting to be so much fun as the kids get older!

Cayson racing to bite the donut. SO FUNNY!

Thank goodness for the balloon keeping Burke occupied!

Cayson in the sack race.

Carly even got to play games and won!

While I took Cayson and Carly out Thad stayed home to hand out candy with Burke.

Our neighbor came over and while they were talking Burke got into some mischief. 

We ripped a plant out and still have the water going and Burke found the mud entertaining.

At least daddy took some pictures with his phone!

Cayson and Carly and their loot!

We are going to have a sugar high for weeks...eek!

Trunk or Treat

We had a really good time at our ward Trunk or Treat tonight and the kids filled their buckets!

 I tried to get a good shot of all 3 kids...

I FAILED!

kayaking damage

(I was loading pictures on the computer and found this...enjoy!)

Remember during the summer when I ran into that tree while kayaking...

Well this was the damage. And YES, I do have a nice big scar.